Youth: For the Parents

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Chisholm Trail Church of Christ

Printed by permission of HomeWord (formerly YouthBuilders). For additional information on HomeWord, visit www.homeword.com or call 800-397-9725.

For many of us, the holiday season is a time that is anticipated with both joy and anxiety. Sure, we love the celebrations, the family traditions, and we cherish the memories of holidays gone by; but along with them, we add the stresses of preparation, expectations and the fear of letdowns, or family squabbles that we have experienced in the past. Here are ten tips that I’ve found to be helpful in getting ready for an enjoyable, meaningful holiday season.

It’s Christmastime and it’s time to celebrate! But, for many parents, just the thought of the season makes them want to scream “Bah hum-bug!” Why? It’s because the holidays can be hectic, heartbreaking, harrowing and just plain hard to deal with. In short, the holidays can be a hassle! Even though we’re celebrating the birth of our Savior and our gratefulness to God for His many blessings, the thought of Christmas shopping, school and church “holiday pageants,” and the various Christmas functions can cause us a lot of stress!

Traditions are important for families because they provide opportunities to keep your family legacy going. From the simple to the silly to the sentimental, traditions can create meaningful memories. Don’t hesitate to try out some new traditions this Christmas season and see what works and what doesn’t for your own family. You just may create a new tradition that will keep going for generations! If you are looking for some ideas in the search for new Christmas traditions, consider the following:

Is your family in a rut when it comes to celebrating Christmas? Check out our “Family Christmas Toolkit” with lots of fresh ideas for fun, activities, traditions, devotionals and articles to try out during this holiday season.

Last month, we asked our readers to give advice to parents about if parents should require teens to participate in family holiday events. Here are some of the responses we received from you, our subscribers.

Fruitcake aside, who doesn’t love the special foods that show up around Christmastime every year? Sure, everyone has their favorite Christmas goodies, but how about trying something new this year? Our HomeWord staff (past and present) have provided their favorite Christmas recipes to pass along to you. Try one of these and you might find a new family favorite in your home!

This month our Good Advice newsletter is offered as a tool to help you focus your family’s holiday season. Christmas is a favorite time of year at the Burns’ household and likely yours as well. In the hustle and bustle of the season, we can easily overlook the “reason for the season.” Take advantage of the content provided in Good Advice this month to refocus your family’s celebration! From all of our family here at HomeWord, we wish you the best Christmas ever!

Blessings,

Jim Burns
President, HomeWord

A group of HomeWord supporters has stepped forward with an incredible opportunity of a challenge grant of $125,000. This means that these friends will double all gifts given to us between now and December 31. These funds will help us continue our work of helping, encouraging, and equipping parents and families across America with the biblical answers they need to experience all God desires for them!! Please consider a truly generous gift today. And remember, whatever gift you decide to give will be doubled by the generous challenge grant!

December Offer

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December Broadcast Schedule

Parenting Priorities for 2008 – What is your number one priority as a parent in the New Year? Tell us both what and why. Click Here

I never saw myself as an angry person until my children became teenagers. How can I pull it together?

Updates on teen spending for the holidays, the age when kids start to drink alcohol, how teens use instant messaging – and all of the latest in fresh youth culture items in this month’s YCW.

The trait that is most closely linked to the success or failure of your marriage is your ability to communicate. Sometimes in marriages, we develop some very poor communication habits. Dr. John Gottman is one of the world's leading experts on marriage. He claims that he often can determine if a couple is on the road to divorce by observing them interact on an issue of conflict. Much of Dr. Gottman's finding centers around the use of negativity as poor communication.

It is likely no surprise to you that God has wired women and men differently. We all recognize some of these differences, but others often hide in plain sight. Not long ago, I had the opportunity to interview Shaunti Feldhahn for our radio broadcast, HomeWord with Jim Burns. In our discussion, we talked about ten things guys wish women knew about men. I think you’ll find these ten things fascinating!

Not long ago, I had the opportunity to talk with Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn for our radio broadcast, HomeWord with Jim Burns. We had a great discussion about the truths they learned about women after a national survey and follow-up interviews. Here are the six things they’ve discovered women wish men know about them.

All marriages have problems. Knowing how we solve our problems will give us a much better handle on our goal, which is to create warmth and intimacy as well as rekindle romance in our relationship. When it comes to conflict, read my lips: Not all problems are resolvable! I wish more marriage experts would just tell us that from the beginning. Some problems we face are perpetual. These are problems that will always be in our lives in one form or another.

In the June edition of HomeWord's Good Advice Parent Newsletter, we asked our readers to give advice to parents who asked about whether or not they should allow their teen to be involved in the current poker-playing fad. Here were some of the responses we received from you, our subscribers...

Wahoo! Summer is here! This is the perfect time to take advantage of the long days, warm weather and your kids’ school vacation time to have some fun as a family. If you’re looking for some practical and simple ideas to increase the “play” factor in your family, this article is for you! Here are ten simple games with minimal props and little preparation required.

For years, I've felt that keeping your marriage strong is one of the best things you can do to build your family and keep it healthy. The reality is, however, that too many marriages seem more like a business partnership rather than the intimate relationship God intends. I encourage you, for your family's sake, to do the hard work of keeping your marriage on track. In this issue of Good Advice, you'll find some helpful articles to encourage and challenge you in this important area.

Blessings,

Jim Burns
President, HomeWord

Strenghthening Your Marriage CD
This incredible line up of speakers and authors provides great insight and wisdom to help you grow your marriage.

The Gift of Sex
by Clifford & Joyce Penner
A sensitive and forthright guide to understanding sexuality and how it fits into God's design for marriage.

You Matter More Than You Think
by Dr. Leslie Parrott
What a woman needs to know about the difference she makes.

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July
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Family devotional times in a home with teens have crashed and burned. How can the parents bring life back into this weekly time they consider a nonnegotiable. Give us your advice.

My 13-year-old son is a screamer. When he gets frustrated he screams. How do I get him to stop?

New info on teen athletes’ need for rest, weekend sleep “jet lag,” the decrease of sex portrayed on television – and all of the latest in fresh youth culture items in this month’s YCW.

It’s Christmastime and it’s time to celebrate! But, for many parents, just the thought of the season makes them want to scream “Bah hum-bug!” Why? It’s because the holidays can be hectic, heartbreaking, harrowing and just plain hard to deal with. In short, the holidays can be a hassle! Even though we’re celebrating the birth of our Savior and our gratefulness to God for His many blessings, the thought of Christmas shopping, school and church “holiday pageants,” and the various Christmas functions can cause us a lot of stress!

We had a great response to last month’s “Family Thanksgiving Toolkit,” so we’ve put together a new “Family Christmas Toolkit” with lots of fresh ideas for fun, activities, traditions, devotionals and articles to try out during this holiday season.

Christmas traditions are important for families because they provide opportunities to keep your family legacy going. Recently, I asked our HomeWord staff to pass along their favorite Christmas traditions to you, our readers. I’ve compiled their responses in this article. Don’t hesitate to try out some new traditions this Christmas season and see what works and what doesn’t for your own family. You just may create a new tradition that will keep going for generations!

Fruitcake aside, who doesn’t love the special foods that show up around Christmastime every year? Sure, everyone has their favorite Christmas goodies, but how about trying something new this year? I asked our HomeWord staff to give me their favorite Christmas recipes to pass along to you. Try one of these and you might find a new family favorite in your home!

In the November edition of HomeWord’s Good Advice Parent Newsletter, we asked our readers to give advice to parents whose 16-year-old son hates church. Should he be allowed to make his own decision on whether or not to attend? Here were some of the responses we received from you, our subscribers…

Most kids have access to and play video games regularly. Research by Piper Jaffrey in 2005 revealed that 79% of teens have video game consoles in their home, and 59% owned multiple gaming systems. The National Institute on Media and Family states that their research indicates that 92% of kids aged 2-17 play video games regularly. So, there’s no doubt that kids are comfortable with today’s technologies. Many see and use them everyday. When it comes to video games, the thrill and challenge involved in playing can easily become addictive.

I love this time of year but like most families, Christmastime can be hectic around the Burns’ home. This season, I’m trying my best to make the most of the season to celebrate my family and our traditions. The holiday season brings a golden opportunity to bring God into our traditions and help our families grow more spiritually healthy. This month’s Good Advice brings a wealth of practical ideas for making the most of your family’s Christmas. On behalf of the entire HomeWord family, I pray God’s best for you and your family for a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Blessings,

Jim Burns
President, HomeWord

The One Thing You Need to Build a Spiritual Legacy
By Jim Burns
Broadcast featuring Dr. Jim Burns talking about the most often quoted Scripture, Deuteronomy 6:4–9 also known as “The Shema.”
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Devotional: Addicted to God
By Jim Burns
This cool devotional will challenge your kids to adopt thankfulness, make the most of their days, and not settle for mediocrity!
Sale price: $9.59

Understanding Your Teenager
By Wayne Rice and David Veerman
Our teens are growing up in a different world! This tried and true book helps you equip them for adulthood. Great Sale Price!
Just $10.00

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December
Broadcast Schedule

Parents have heard multiple rumors of their teenage daughter’s drinking and sexual activity. Their daughter denies it. What should they do? Give us your advice. Click HERE

Helping teens manage their schedules. How many extracurricular activities are too many?

What your teens want for Christmas according to a recent survey of thousands of students.

For many of us the holiday season is a time that is anticipated with both joy and anxiety. Sure, we love the celebrations, the family traditions, and cherish the memories of holidays gone by, but along with them we add the stresses of preparation, expectations and the fear of letdowns or family squabbles that we have experienced in the past. Here are ten tips that I’ve found to be helpful in getting ready for an enjoyable, meaningful holiday season.

Typically, Thanksgiving Day is a day full of family traditions. While traditions are important, even the best of families can find themselves in a rut. Other families like to mix things up a bit, and look for some new ideas to spice up their Thanksgiving Day celebration. If you find yourselves in either of these categories, you might want to check out our Thanksgiving toolkit. It’s full of activities, readings and recipes to help you make the most of your Thanksgiving!

'Tis the season to dig a little deeper and share in the spirit of giving – and no one is going to let you forget it! Everywhere you go you're faced with another gift to buy or a charity to support.
Giving is a wonderful thing if your intentions are in the right place. And when your intentions are in the right place, a little wisdom will help keep your finances in the right place as well.

It’s recorded in Matthew’s Gospel, (Matt. 10:8) Jesus said, “Freely you have received; freely give.” Though our lives may not always be everything we hope them to be, for the vast majority of Americans, we lives that are richly blessed. One of the ways we can demonstrate that we are grateful to God for His many blessings, is to help others. The holiday season is a great time for your family to get involved in helping to meet the needs of others in your community – showing them the light and love of Christ. Here are some ideas for reaching out and helping others during the holidays.

In the October edition of HomeWord’s Good Advice Parent Newsletter, we asked our readers to give advice to parents about whether or not to allow kids to participate in Halloween activities. Here were some of the responses we received from you, our subscribers…

The adolescent years seem to hit from out of nowhere and they often leave parents wondering exactly what has happened to that relatively intelligent and well-mannered child they used to call their son or daughter. Well, while it’s true there is no way you can accurately predict exactly when adolescence will begin, there is a way you can begin preparing for it so that it doesn’t seem like such a startling jolt when it does hit (and believe me, it will!)

It seems like I just finished storing away the Christmas decorations from last year, but here come the holidays again! One of my favorite holidays is Thanksgiving. While I love the turkey dinner and gathering with my family, the reason I look forward to Thanksgiving so much is because thankfulness is one of my all time favorite themes in the Christian life. And, Thanksgiving provides us, as parents, with a perfect opportunity to pass along the “attitude of gratitude” to our children. In this month’s Good Advice, I’ve provided a number of resources to help you make the most out of your Thanksgiving and holiday season. From all of us here at HomeWord, we pray you have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving!

Blessings,

Jim Burns
President, HomeWord

ScreamFree Holidays Bundle By Hal Runkel and Jim Burns
Includes the Screamfree Holidays broadcast with Hal Runkel and Jim Burns and the ScreamFree Guide to Holiday Meals pamphlet.

The Money Answer Book By Dave Ramsey
Financial expert Dave Ramsey answers the most-asked questions about personal finance.

Single Parenting That Works
Dr. Kevin Leman
Discover the six keys that will transform your perspective and help you create a plan tailored to you and your family.

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November
Broadcast Schedule

A 16-year-old hates church. His parents are asking whether they should insist he attend or let him make his own decision. What’s your advice? Click HERE

Parent asks: My soon-to-be 13-year-old son and I constantly battle over almost every issue. What can I do?

Research shows cellphone text messaging is biggest teen driving distraction.

Kids – and particularly teenagers – experience the tug of peer pressure. No young person is immune. Still, not all peer pressure is negative. Positive peer pressure can be just as powerful as negative peer pressure. The issue becomes whether or not kids will take the initiative to set the bar for positive attitudes and behaviors, leading others to follow or whether they will themselves be followers, conforming to the attitudes and behavior of those around them. Will your child be a leader or a follower?

Many kids suffer from being bullied; an abuse that can have far reaching consequences into adulthood. Today, bullying can take on different forms than when we were kids. Sure, kids are still picked-on both verbally and physically in person. But, cyberbullying is a growing problem that takes place over the Internet; on websites, MySpace, and instant messaging. Frank Peretti, the author of best-selling Christian books such as This Present Darkness, was no stranger to bullying when he was growing up. He’s written a powerful book, No More Bullies, to recount his story and to provide advice for both those who are bullied and those who bully.

I think that life is too tough to go through alone! Vital friendships help to provide the support system people need to thrive in life. To raise healthy kids, parents need to help teach them the meaning and value of true friendships so that when the inevitable storms blow through our kids’ lives – as we know they will – the encouragement of friends can provide them with the help they need to survive.

17-year-old Lauren was despondent over breaking up with her boyfriend. She had never known pain so deep and lingering. Trying to keep her composure but hurting just the same, she inadvertently yanked the tab off her soda can. Without much thought, she pressed its sharp edge deep into the flesh of her thumb. The pain and the blood the followed unleashed that had been pent up inside of her since the relationship ended. But it also gave her something she had longed for all her life – a sense of control over her pain. Within weeks, Lauren became a full-fledged self-injurer, a “cutter.”

In the September edition of HomeWord’s Good Advice Parent Newsletter, we asked our readers to give advice to parents about whether or not to use restriction from youth group activities as a method of discipline. The responses generated were the most we’ve ever seen for our “Talk Back” section! We received great input from both parents and youth workers. Here were some of the responses we received from you, our subscribers…

While it might seem a bit early to start thinking about Thanksgiving, it will be here in no time! An attitude of gratitude, of course, shouldn't be a once-a-year deal, and hopefully cultivating a thankful heart goes beyond that one special Thursday in November for all of us. Still, it doesn't hurt to rev up our gratitude "engines" as we get closer to Thanksgiving Day. So, here is a simple 30-day plan for you and your family, that can help do just that!

Adolescents are social by their very nature. During the teen years, their social lives begin to blossom and develop, often becoming the most important area of their lives. For better or for worse, peers have a huge impact on young people. Sociologists tell us that kids build their world and values on their social groupings. As a result, it's important for parents to keep a watchful eye on the 'peer factor' in the lives of their kids. To this end, I've put together a number of articles in this month's Good Advice to help parents stay up to date on key peer issues. I trust you'll find them helpful!

Blessings,

Jim Burns
President, HomeWord

NEW! Creating an Intimate Marriage Kit
Bring Jim Burns to your church on DVD. This comprehensive kit includes small group leaders guides and participant guides. Youth Group Curriculum, Marriage Retreat Plan, Marriage and Family Month Ideas for your church, and more!

What Will Make Your Kid a Success?
Two-day Broadcast CD
HomeWord with Jim Burns radio broadcasts featuring Tim Kimmel and Jim Burns tackling the challenges of raising responsible and successful kids in today’s world.

No More Bullies
by Frank Peretti
Peretti shares his deeply personal story of being bullied and shows how both bullies and victims alike can find healing and forgiveness.

Listen to HomeWord
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(25 Min)

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This Week
(25 Min)

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Snapshots
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October
Broadcast Schedule

Parents ask whether or not they should allow their kids to participate in Halloween celebrations. What’s your advice? Click HERE

Parent asks: My 16-year-old daughter is dating a boy from church. Please give us dating guidelines.

One-third of teens and nearly half of 17-year-olds attend parties where parents are present and alcohol and/or drugs are involved.

Plugged In is a Focus on the Family publication designed to help equip parents, youth leaders, ministers and teens with the essential tools that will enable them to understand, navigate and impact the culture in which they live.

The Home Page—Helpful Tips and Faith Development Ideas for Parents of Teenagers
Group Magazine
March-April, 2006

March-April, 2006

PRESIDENT’S DAY

When was the last time your family actually celebrated President’s Day? Here’s a fun way to get your family interested in learning more about the history of leaders in the United States.

Use an encyclopedia or an online resource such as www.wikipedia.org to find an up-to-date list of U.S. presidents. Have your family form two teams—each with a driver—and challenge teams to go into your community with a specific time limit to find as many references to presidents’ names as they can. Encourage them to look at street signs, school names, business names, or monuments.

When teams return home, compare the landmarks that each team found. Calculate which president had the most references, and look up that president’s history in an online encyclopedia. Talk about why your city might have so much interest in that president. Then challenge each family member to find one bit of trivia about that president that no one in your family knew before.

Close your President’s Day celebration in prayer, thanking God for the accomplishments of your past and future leaders.

YOUNG ENTREPRENEURS

Move over Donald Trump and Martha Stewart...A 2005 Junior Achievement survey says most of today’s teenagers want to be business owners:

• 69% of teenagers say they’re interested in starting their own business—primarily in professional services or retail.

• 46% of teenagers believe the best motivator to start a business is the desire to see a great idea put into action.

• 33.5% of teenagers believe the biggest detractor for starting a business is lack of money.

(Source: www.ja.org)

FINANCIAL AID PLANNING

As soon as your teenager is ready to apply to college, it’s time to start financial aid planning. But this isn’t simply a matter of filling out forms and hoping you get a good response from financial aid officers. These tips from the U.S. News and World Report may help you to get your future scholar a better deal:

Make an appointment. Arrange a time for you and your teenager to discuss your application with a financial aid officer, either in person or by phone.

Do your homework. Make sure you and your teenager have solid needs-based or merit-based evidence to support your case for a more generous award.

Review the forms. Keep financial aid officers aware of updates or omissions in your family’s finances.

Cooperate. If your teenager has offers from competing colleges, make this known, without demanding that one college match another.

Find other decision-makers. Communicate with the admissions office—they often can negotiate merits-based deals or keep track of openings when other applicants turn down offers.

PRETEENS AND DATING

Twelve- and 13-year-olds are too young to go on conventional dates, but Denise Witmer at About.com offers these suggestions to help parents prepare preteens for the world of dating:

• Encourage your kids to socialize in groups. Keeping preteens socially active helps them stay out of trouble! Encourage them to go to activities such as school sports events, movies, or roller-skating as part of a group.

• Don’t let them go out in opposite-sex pairs. If they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, make sure they attend social activities with others.

• Teach your preteens about inappropriate touching. Kids at this age may still want to play childhood games with the opposite sex that are no longer appropriate, such as “wrestling.” Call attention to this as it occurs, without getting angry.

• Have “the talk.” Preteens need information about the changes taking place in their bodies and the physical act of sex. Be sure to emphatically stress that giving them specific information doesn’t mean they’re ready to engage in sexual activity. Make sure your preteen knows your values on love, marriage, and sex.

UPS AND DOWNS

Begin 2006 with this family activity adapted from Plugging in Parents (Group Publishing, Inc.).

You’ll need a large sheet of paper with “Ups” written on one side and “Downs” on the reverse side. Give everyone a pen and beginning with the Downs side, invite everyone to list the things that went wrong or made them sad in the last year.

Have everyone write for a few minutes and then talk about what they’ve written. When everyone’s finished, invite each person to say a short prayer, offering these Downs to God. Then turn the page over and do the same thing with the Ups—writing, talking, and praying. Read aloud Isaiah 43:1-3. Finish by thanking God for using both the ups and downs of life to bring good fruit in your lives.

GOT A MINUTE?

It's not always easy, but keeping highly involved in your preteen's life now will help you stay connected as he or she moves through adolescence. It can also help your child make better decisions. Here are some tips from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on how to do it:

• "Catch" your child doing something right. Instead of being on the lookout for transgressions, focus on the good things he or she does; then offer a compliment to encourage good behavior. This can be as simple as saying, "Hey, your room looks great."

• Prove you're listening. Don't just pretend to listen. Pay attention and ask follow-up questions. If your child feels listened to, he or she will be more likely to open up when you want to talk.

• Share meals regularly. Even if you can't eat together daily, plan family meals at least a few times a week. It will encourage you to keep up with each other. Teenagers who report eating meals with their families are less likely to smoke or use drugs.

• Ask for advice. Soliciting your preteen's opinion on everyday decisions such as what to wear or how to arrange the living room helps show that you value his or her ideas.

BETTER TO GIVE

Christmas shopping for those in need is always a great way to celebrate the holidays as a family. This year expand your giving so that those you're buying for can share in the joy of giving, too.

If your church has a giving tree program, get information on a family, and ask your teenager to plan the shopping for these gifts. You can also call your local social services office or food bank to get information on a family in need.

In addition to purchasing the gifts on your recipients' list, have your teenager pick out one extra gift that's all-age appropriate, such as Christmas candy, a book of Christmas stories, or a stocking filled with smaller treats.

Add the extra gift with a note saying that the best part of Christmas is in giving to others. (You may want to mention a Scripture verse that's been particularly inspiring to your family this year.) Include a blank Christmas card and invite the recipients to pass the extra gift on to someone they know who could use a bit of Christmas cheer. Let your recipients know that you'll pray for them and the recipient of the extra gift.

COMFORT FOOD

Coming together for a meal is a great way to break down barriers and unify your family. This idea adapted from the Friendship First Youth Leader Guide (Group Publishing) helps your family understand that "belonging" is the ultimate comfort food!

Set the table with your nicest linens, china, and silverware. Provide fresh flowers for a centerpiece. Pour soda into nice pitchers.

Purchase plain hamburgers, cheeseburgers, and French fries from your favorite fast-food restaurant. Put the food on platters, and keep it warm in the oven until your family is seated; make sure no one sees the food beforehand. Once the blessing has been asked, bring out the pitchers of soda and the platters of food.

During your meal, ask: What's unusual about this meal? Why wouldn't we normally use fine china for fast food? What could this food we're eating today symbolize about our family relationships? about belonging? Are we doing a good job of showing acceptance to each other? How have you experienced God's acceptance lately?

T-RATED VIDEO GAMES

So your teenager wants a video game for Christmas. Better make sure you "try before you buy." A recent study by the Children's Hospital Boston and Harvard's Kids Risk Project has shown that labels on video games rated T (for teen) might not accurately describe the content.

• 94% of games were described as containing violence; 98% actually contained violence.

• 26% were described as containing blood; 42% actually depicted blood.

• 15% were described as containing sexual themes; 27% actually depicted sexual themes.

• 14% were described as containing for profanity; 27% actually contained profanity.

(Source: Journal of the American Medical Association)

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

When you ask your teenager a familiar question like "How was your day?" it's not surprising to get a one-word answer like "Fine." Next time, encourage your child to open up by asking one of these questions from Plugging in Parents: 200 Ways to Involve Parents in Youth Ministry (Group Publishing).

• What was the coolest (or strangest, or most frustrating) thing that happened to you today?

• What's made you laugh recently?

• How would you rate your evening on a scale of 1 to 10? Why?

• What's the best thing someone has done for you this week?

• What age would you most like to be? Why?

FAMILY COPING

Some of the toughest times to be a parent are when your family faces death, natural disasters, accidents, or incidences of school violence. Dr. Ken Druck, from the Families Helping Families program in New York City, offers these five dos and don’ts to help your family:

1. Don’t panic. It can make your teenager more upset. Do be upfront and honest.

2. Don’t expect to know all the answers. Do listen to all your teenager’s questions regardless of whether you can answer them.

3. Don’t portray yourself as all-knowing. Do learn and understand the facts of the tragedy before you make a judgment.

4. Don’t make blanket assurances in order to comfort your family. Do let your family know that it’s okay to be frightened, angry, or sad.

5. Don’t force your family to talk about the tragedy. Do be available when family members are ready to talk.

BIBLICAL LITERACY

According to a survey by The Biblical Literacy Report, an overwhelming 98 percent of high school English teachers believe that biblical literacy gives students distinct educational advantages. And while a majority of teenagers do have basic biblical knowledge, a corresponding Gallup Poll revealed:
• 1 out of 10 teenagers believe Moses is one of the 12 Apostles.

• 1 out of 10 teenagers don’t know what Easter commemorates.

• Fewer than half the teenagers surveyed knew that Jesus turned water into wine.

(Sources: The Biblical Literacy Report and Gallup Poll, cited in the Biblical Recorder.)

THE CHOKING GAME

It’s also called Fainting, the Pass-Out Game, Knockout, Blackout, or Space Monkey—but it’s no game. A growing number of preteens are teaching each other how to get high by asphyxiation. Here are some facts about the Choking Game:

• Kids use ropes, belts, or their hands to choke each other until they pass out, getting a euphoric buzz for a few seconds before regaining consciousness.

• Death most likely occurs when someone tries it alone and loses consciousness before he or she can release the stranglehold. It’s estimated that between 400 and 500 kids die from this game each year.

• Brain damage and death can occur as quickly as three minutes after lack of oxygen to the brain.

• Kids who participate are often smart and well-behaved. They try asphyxiation as an alternative to alcohol or drugs because they think it’s safer.

• Some signs of this behavior include: marks or bruises on the throat; headaches; bloodshot eyes; belts, leashes, ropes, or shoelaces tied in strange knots or found in unusual locations; disorientation after spending time alone; or locked bedroom doors.

EASTER BASKETS

Need some ideas on how to focus teenagers on Easter’s truths in a fun way? Think “basket.” These Easter-basket ideas will reinforce the true meaning of this important celebration.

Easter Basketball—Start a new Easter tradition...shootinghoops! For every basket made, someone has to name something in his or her life that’s different as a result of Jesus’ resurrection.

Seeded Baskets—Three weeks before Easter, plant handfuls of grass seed in potting soil in shallow containers. Water the seeds daily to grow real turf you can use in your teenagers’ Easter baskets. Add a note that encourages your kids to find places to plant the grass in the coming weeks as they give thanks for the growth they’ve seen in their relationship with Jesus.

Egg Baskets—Buy an assortment of plastic Easter eggs—the kind that can each be separated into two halves. Have family members use permanent markers or small tubes of fabric paint to decorate the outside of each egg half, and then create “baskets” by gluing a 3-inch piece of ribbon to make a handle for each one. Ask family members to find their favorite words from Jesus and use fine-point markers to write the verses on the inside of the baskets. Then decorate your dining table by hanging the baskets from a lightweight tree branch anchored in sturdy florist foam.

DAILY ROUTINE

How can you keep your family’s faith strong in the midst of a busy schedule? HomeFaith.com identifies these at-home ways to support your family’s spiritual growth:

• Eating—Family meals are one of the best ways to foster your faith together. Say grace before meals, share information about your lives, and talk about connections to God in everyday life.

• Sleeping—Your family is never too old to pray before bed time! Spend time going over the day’s ups and downs.

• Talking—Think of the nuggets of time each day when your family usually talks. Speaking of Christlike values, character qualities, and holiness in these moments reinforces faith.

• Celebrating—Create family traditions by retrieving traditions from the past or by researching religious traditions and making them your own.

The Home Page—Helpful Tips and Faith Development Ideas for Parents of Teenagers
Group Magazine
January-February, 2006

The Home Page—Helpful Tips and Faith Development Ideas for Parents of Teenagers
Group Magazine
November-December, 2005

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Needs specific to our ministry context:

Specific Needs of Teens:

Pyschosocial, enviornmental/cultural senstivity – Our teens may not word it this way, but I do think from our time we have spent together that they desire ministry that targets them where they are on the developmental pendulum and that is culturally relevant.

Peer relationships – There are eight to nine school districts that make up our student population. When I interviewed here, I asked the kids then what one area they felt needed improvement, and they cited group unity. I have spent a great deal of time talking about the importance of family and unity. Even after two years the youth group needs training on how to survive with their peers.

Acceptance – As noted above, teens are looking for safety. My teens are no different. They need to know that the adults in their world will not abandon them. In order to do this, first we must be willing to accpet teens as they are, as they come and love them into the kingdom.

Journey – I have tried to encourage our students to see the Christian life as a journey. A journey is a better image than outcome based discipleship. I want our teens to see the Christian life as an adventure, full of twists and turns, a life of constant surprise. I know our kids want to see a faith that allows them to make messes and see the mess of others, and get their hands dirty in the process of ministering to others.

General/Specific Needs of Families:

This idea of safety – Our families and teens both need a safe and secure environment to connect to God and to others. Creating a safe atmosphere must be intentional as well as the building of genuine Christian community.

As community is being built, what I think should flow naturally out of this process is older parents mentoring the younger parents – This is a need because, “Been there, done that” parents can minister more effectively through the adolescent experience than a youth minister who is wet behind the ears. These older parents can offer parental tips that the inexperienced youth minister can not offer. For example, one very real need that that would and should be addressed is the need for parents to parent through the crafting of clear boundaries and consistency in discipline.

In order for the older parents to minister to the less experienced parents, another need that arises is the need for equipping – It is my understanding of ministry to families that requires the youth minister to be an encourager and equipper to help understand the changing landscape of adolescence, and the youth culture at large. Youth ministers are positioned to be missionaries to youth and families in a culture that at times is foreign even to the natives.

Healthy Christian families must recognize the importance of the parental roles. While the youth minister may have an integral role in the spiritual life of the churched teenager, the spiritual influence and mentoring of mom and dad is of first importance. I think what needs to happen in our setting is a reorientation to the importance of discipleship, and the need to live out the faith that is being claimed on Sunday and Wednesday. If authenticity is valued in the postmodern world, teenagers must see their parents living out an active, authentic faith.

One of the needs that has been cited by a few of my adult volunteers is the need for a feeling of being needed. I will talk more about this in the section of programming. But for now, I will say that our families desire opportunities to do life and ministry together. I think this huge potential to help display the authenticity that our teenagers are looking for in the lives of their parents.

The need for intentional community – I have touched a little on this earlier, but there is a desire for our teenagers to be connected to their peers as well as learn how to be in relationships with other adult members of the congregation. The last thing we want our kids today is to live out their faith alone. I would add that I do not want to give the impression that our youth ministry is a “One Eared Mickey Mouse.”

The need to be grounded in the Word – In my observation and conversation with my teen’s parents there has been a frequent mention of the importance of Scripture. I think this desire to be grounded in the Word is a good and needed ambition.

The need for slower schedule –Our families have cited a busy youth group calendar as a good thing and at times as a burden. I have noticed that for many of our active parents, they have active kids involved in a number of extra-curricula activities as well as a number of youth activities. I have felt like I am in a competition with the families for attendance of my youth functions. I am beginning to realize, that even for a small community such as Duncan that families are stressed out. Parents are tired. Teens are tired. I am looking into stream lining our youth calendar, to provide more family time, less friction between the youth calendar and less stress in general.

The need for connecting to the Grand Story – The families in my youth ministry context may not cite this need the same way as I have here, but I think that our families need to see themselves as part of the unfolding story of redemption. In order to do this, families must commit themselves to living counter culturally and being passionate about their pursuit of Christ. Our theologies, our doctrine, and our traditions matter little if we are wrong about Jesus. I think our ministries to families and teens must make a big deal about Jesus.
For the family:
9 FAMILY RESPONSIBILITY BUILDERS
1 Regularly ask yourself this tough question: “If my child acts with the same amount of personal responsibility that I demonstrate, will she/he be okay?”
2 Whenever possible, let your child choose between two acceptable actions or activities rather than saying yes or not to just one option.
3 When you confront a child about a wrong or poor choice, ask him to explain why he made his decision before you express your disagreement.
4 Go a whole day without blaming an action or event on someone else.
5 Walk in each other’s shoes by trading chores with each other for a week.
6 At a family meeting let all members express freely what they don’t like about the household. Ask all to think of one contribution they can make toward a solution. If nothing else, each family member will at least stop complaining until a solution is worked out.
7 Make a family “game” of counting to ten before reacting to one another.
8 Initiate a Personal Improvement Month, during which each person in your family chooses a habit to work on replacing. Encourage each other throughout the month.
9 At dinner discuss stories in the news or neighborhood that illustrates how people have accepted or avoided personal responsibility.

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For the family:
YOU, TOO, CAN REDUCE CONFLICT OVER CHORES
? Teach skills, not chores. In order to do this, you’ll need to make materials accessible to your kids. You’ll also need to demonstrate the task for them. Work alongside them the first few times they attempt the chore. As you teach move from the simple to the difficult. In your effort to teach your children, make sure that you never redo their work.
? Keep in mind that kids remember 10 percent of what they hear, 50 percent of what they see, and 90 percent of what they do.
? Use regular family meeting times to set goals and standards and to assign tasks. You’ll also need to set aside time to discuss, celebrate, and reward everyone’s progress.
? Post charts showing assigned tasks and deadlines.
? Remember that kids tend to rebel when they are given only unpleasant jobs or when extra requirements are added after a task is first explained.
? Ask yourself this question: What am I doing for my children that, if left undone, would teach them to care for that particular part of their own world?
? Be willing to let your children suffer natural and logical consequences for their actions.
? Step in and help your child finish a task rather than reward incomplete work.
? Don’t set a training goal or consequence that you are not prepared to follow through on.
? Remember that as you teach kids their responsibilities, your goal is to work yourself out of a job.

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For parents:
GOD, THE PARENT: MODEL OF BIBLICAL PARENTING
God himself is the ultimate parent; and He reveals his parental love in at least seven different ways.
1 God cares for his children
Luke 15:11-32
1 Peter 5:7
2 God is responsive to his children’s needs
Genesis 9:8-17
John 3:16
Titus 3:3-7
3 God bestows the richest of gifts on his children, including his Son and his Holy Spirit as Comforter
Psalm 84:11; 112:9
Matthew 7:11
John 3:16
1 Timothy 6:17
Hebrews 2:4
4 God values, cherishes, and shows his respect for his children
Isaiah 33:6
Luke 14:10-11
2 Corinthians 4:13-15
5 God knows his children, for Jesus entered our world as a human being
John 1:14
Philippians 2:5-8
Hebrews 2:17-18; 4:15
This knowledge touches us to the core
Psalm 44:21
John 2:25
6 God forgives his children
Matthew 26:28
John 3:16-17
Ephesians 1:7
7 God disciplines his children for their own good
Proverbs 3:11-12
Hebrews 12:5-8
Revelation3:19

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For Parents:

Separation vs. Indivuation

Most teenagers have a burning desire to separate themselves from their parents, right? Well, maybe not. Consider the following definitions:
? Separate means to move away from, to disconnect.
? Individuate means to find one’s own identity and sense of personal autonomy within the context of family attachment.
It is a popular, widespread myth that adolescents desire and need to separate from their families. In truth the adolescent journey is marked by a process called individuation, in which kids discover (1) who they are, and (2) that their choices matter. Individuation is most easily and rewardingly accomplished when there is a strong sense of attachment to both parents—especially the father—during this time of transition. This attachment is marked by a perception of trust, good communication, and an overall sense of closeness.
Parents need to understand that the period of individuation is not a time to let go relationally, but a time to lovingly protect and guide their kids while encouraging a deeper sense of independent living.
Kids need to recognize their inborn desire to be connected with their parents and family.

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For parents:
15 CREATIVE WAYS TO TELL YOUR KIDS “I LOVE YOU”
1 Take them out once a month—and let them choose the activity.
2 Take out an ad in your local newspaper to publicize their latest accomplishment.
3 Write something encouraging on a Post-It note and stick in on their homework or on their napkin in their lunch bag.
4 Write them a poem and read it to them at bedtime.
5 Kidnap them unexpectedly for a walk or a meal.
6 For no special reason, throw a surprise party and invite their best friends.
7 Plan a family slumber party, complete with popcorn, videos, a fire, and late-night tales.
8 Take them breakfast in bed (whether pancakes from your kitchen or a McScramble from down the street).
9 Plan a progressive outing for them and a few friends—you know, Burger King for appetizers, a par, for the first course, a driving range for the main course, and then finish off the evening with a drive-in movie in someone’s garage.
10 Arrange for someone with celebrity status in your children’s eyes to phone them.
11 Make an acrostic of your child’s name, with each letter beginning a word or phrase that describes a character trait you admire.
12 Give them a picture of yourself—framed and signed, “With love?”
13 When they’re asleep, give them light kisses until they wake up; then quickly put the family dog next to their face.
14 Decorate their room while they are away.
15 Treat your daughter to a makeover or your son to a half-hour massage.

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For parents:
THE FINE ART OF STEP-PARENTING
Becoming an instant dad or mom is one of life’s most difficult assignments. If you want to develop a healthy relationship with your step-child, there are some generally accepted ground rules:

Go Slow
Every relationship takes time. You will not become an instant hero after a vacation, a weekend, or a quality afternoon together. Be patient in displaying your emotions and affection. Wait until your new child is ready to share with you her emotions, feelings, and world.

Make a friend
Friendship always precedes the experience of true love. So work at becoming a pal. Talk about stuff—school, sports, the news. A shared giggle will tip you off that you are making progress.

Keep your money in your pocket
Material displays easily trigger a stepchild’s bribery radar. Earning love with money or gifts is a sure way to impede the growth of a more genuine love that comes from the heart.

Remember that you’re not alone
Some of us have walked in your shoes. There are answers and support to help you become the effective mom or dad your stepchild needs.

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For parents:
SINGLE PARENT’S DEFENSE AGAINST LONLINESS
A family ministry can certainly help you raise your children alone. But a family ministry had better not ignore your own emotional issues. Like loneliness, for instance. So for starters we want to do what we can to help you make at least some of the following suggestions into joyful habits.

*Accept what can’t be changed.
*Refuse to retreat into a shell.
*Be realistic about just how green the grass really is on the other side.
*Cultivate a spirit of thankfulness.
*Refuse to see yourself as merely treading water.
*Reach out to others.
*Maintain your physical health.
*Establish well-defined goals for yourself.

*Rejuvenate your spiritual sensitivity.
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TWENTY-ONE TRUTHS TO PONDER

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.

2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't
worry.

3. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling
home every day.

4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be
bent out of shape.

5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still.
God wants us to be still so God can untangle
the knot.

6. Do the math. Count your blessings.

7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.

9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never
misquoted.

10. Laugh every day; it's like inner jogging.

11. The most important things in your home
are the people.

12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

13. There is no key to happiness..............

The door is always open.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life

moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.

(Like the saying: "Life is not measured by the

number of breaths you take, but the number of

times your breath is taken away.")

17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it,

otherwise it's just hearsay.

18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now & again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The great goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking.

Learn from the turtle -- it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

21. Feed your faith and.........
your doubts will starve to death.

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Useful Links for Moms and Dads:

*Just click on the link you want to search. You will find helpful tools to improve your marraige, tips for parenting and insight into today's teen culture.

1. www.family.org (Focus on the Family)

2. www.youthbuilders.com (Parenting tips and tools)

3. http://www.christianity.com/christianchronicle (Christian Chronicle)

4. www.parentministry.org (Parenting Teenagers)

5. www.successfulstepfamilies.com (Help for step families)

6. www.familyfun.go.com (Fun for the family)

7. http://gsep.pepperdine.edu/family (Pepperdine Center for the Family)

8. www.harding.edu/youthfamily/journal/main.html (Harding's Youth and Family Journal

9. www.realrelationships.com (Nuturing the spousal relationships)

10. www.familylife.com (Practical parenting tips)

11. www.familydynamics.org (Marriage enrichment)

12. www.cpyu.org (Center for Parent/Youth Understanding)

13. www.divorcebusting.com (Safegaurding your marriage)

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Christian Colleges and Universities: